Tears...heads hung low...maybe something dark and creepy straight out of a scary movie?
Five years ago, if you would have asked me what came to my mind when I pictured a cemetery, those would have probably topped my list. Growing up, cemeteries weren't a place I visited. They were a scary, maybe even taboo place, that I wanted to stay far away from. Most likely this was because I never had a reason to visit them.
Since losing Avery, I've found the cemetery where she is buried to be a rather beautiful location. There are majestic, old oak trees, sprawling green lawns and it is peacefully quiet. You feel like you've stepped out of our small city right into the country. It is a place I use to go often. As time has pushed us forward, I spend less time there but when we do go, Harper has made the visits even more special. She enjoys going to visit her "Avey." She likes playing with the race cars left of her stone and running around the open area. She always hugs Avery's stone before we leave. It is the sweetest, most innocent thing to watch. Harper's visits to the cemetery are far from what I would have imagined growing up.
Harper doesn't grasp where we are, what she's doing there or even that, to most, the cemetery is a sad place. She just thinks she is seeing her sissy and getting to play. Her childhood impressions of cemeteries will be much different than mine. She won't be afraid to step foot in a cemetery. This, unfortunately, will be her norm. And while I am glad she likes visiting this place, I hate that this will be part of her relationship with her big sister. I would rather they be fighting as they grow up over silly things. I would rather they be sharing clothes as they got older and fighting over wearing the same top. I would rather, Harper going to her big sister for advice. But this is what we get. At least for now, Harper doesn't grasp what we are all missing out on. At least for now, she can help make our trips to visit Avery a sweet time.
She was so pleased with herself for bringing a flower for Avery.
Goodbye hugs.