Butterfly Clover

Today was an especially hard day.  I’m struggling with the fact that this is my life now.  I have to go through everyday facing the reality that my daughter is not here and she will not be coming back to me.  I’m not sure how I’m supposed to accept this.  I HATE this.  And some days it just hits me like a ton of bricks.  Since today was one of those days, I went by myself to the cemetery just to “be” for a little while.  I needed to cry, I needed to talk to Avery and God, and I just wanted to be close to her place.  While sitting there in the cold grass, I noticed that there is more greenery growing in over her place.  The dirt and sandy are almost covered; another sign marking how long we’ve been without her.  As I looked, I noticed lots of three leaf clovers covering her place.  As I sat one clover in particular caught my eye.  It was close to her stone and it only had 2 leaves that resembled a butterfly.

This little clover shaped like a butterfly made me smile in the midst of my overwhelming emotions.  It was like Avery was there, saying “Mommy I’m OK, I love you.”  I thought about leaving the clover but decided I wanted to keep it safe.  So I took it home with me and pressed it to keep.  On days like today, the smallest things can bring a little light into my heart. 

Here is a picture of the clover Avery left for me.