This is my life

Today is just one of those days.  They come less than they use to but they still are here.  It started last night.  As I was walking into my bedroom, it hit me, Avery is gone.  Still.  Some days it just really hits me that this is my life; this is my reality.  Avery is gone and I cannot change it.  She was here one minute and gone the next.  She lived, she existed and now she is gone.  It’s not that I don’t know this each and every day.  I do.  I wake up every morning missing her and go to bed each night missing her.  But some days, it really just sinks in.

Today was one of those days where it started first thing and the tears were uncontrollable.  I tried to go to work but I could not focus on anything else.  On days like today, I do not function well.  Even in writing this, I am having trouble putting my thoughts down.  I held it together so well for her birthday and even on the anniversary of her passing; I think it all finally caught up with me. 

As strong as I try to be, as much as I try to do in her name, there will always be days like today where I am left in disbelief that this is my life.