How do I accept that?
SIDS…
My worst fear as a mom has become my reality.
SIDS…
Takes the lives of 2,500 babies in the US annually…that’s
almost 7 a day and yet they don’t know why.
SIDS…
It doesn’t matter if you take the precautions they
recommend, it can still happen. I read
the reports, the statistics, I took all the precautions and yet we were told…
SIDS…
We found out before Thanksgiving they couldn’t find anything
medically that would have taken her from us.
It’s been almost a month since they told us. Some days I have accepted that I will never
have answers and others, I am just angry.
Today, I am angry.
I have accepted that Avery isn’t coming back to me, that I
can only go to her (see the story of David, 2 Samuel 12:19-23). Part of me however, was hoping for
answers. If I had answers, I could work
to prevent it from happening again in the future. I could make sure tests were done; know what
to look for, etc. But with SIDS, what do
I do in the future to keep this from happening to us again?
What I am beginning to accept is that even if I had answers,
none of this is in MY hands anyway. Even
with answers, God is the one in control, not ME. I struggle with this often. I struggle with why God takes babies. I struggle with whether God will allow this
to happen again. I am working on getting
to a point where I take ME out of it and turn it all over to God. That’s much easier said than done. I pray that God helps bring me peace through
this and gives my husband and I the strength to try again in the future. Avery made us so incredibly happy for those 6
days and I don’t think I will ever feel a glimmer of that happiness again until
Avery becomes a big sister. But while
that may bring us happiness again, we are so very afraid of crossing that
bridge. I pray that as time passes, God
shows us the right path for us to take because I am so lost and confused trying
to figure this out on my own.
We didn't get any answers either. It's terrifying. Praying for you!
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