Thursday, December 6, 2012

6 Month Birthday

June 6, 2012 was the best day of my life.  Six months ago we were full of joy and excitement.  We finally were a family of three.   Our little girl was finally here with us and we were parents.  Six months ago my future included watching my daughter grow from a cute little baby into an amazing young lady.  Six months ago I was highly anxious about becoming a mother, nervous about raising Avery and not wanting to make any mistakes. 

I cannot believe it’s been six months since Avery blessed us with her presence.  All morning, I’ve been imagining what our life would be like right now if it would have turned out the way I planned.  How would she be sleeping?  How would we be coping with work and a baby?  How many teeth would she have?  Would she be crawling? How long would her beautiful hair be by now?  Would she still have her chunky cheeks?  What would be her favorite foods? There are so many questions that I will never have answers to.

It’s so hard only having 6 days of memories of our little girl.  We’ve missed out on so much.  I am a mother yet not all at the same time.  Today we should be celebrating half a year with our princess.  I’m trying to focus on those six days we did have but it is still so hard not to dwell on what may have been.  I am blessed to have been able to carry Avery, give birth to Avery, feed Avery, cuddle Avery, to feel her warm skin next to mine, to dress her, to change her, to wrap her in my love, to see her smile, to see a little of her personality shine through, to talk to her and to tell her I love her.  Today, I am trying to focus on what I did have.  I have to remind myself that even though it will never be enough, I am blessed with what I was given as there are many mothers who won’t experience those with their precious children.
I hope Avery is celebrating her 6 month birthday in heaven with her friends and family up there.  I pray that she has met those children whose mothers have been an amazing support to me through the last 6 months.  I hope she knows how much she changed us and how much we love and miss her.  Until the day we meet again, I will always remember the amazing day in June when Avery entered our world and changed us forever.