Thursday, May 23, 2013

Summer Storms

Summer in Florida brings evening thunderstorms. And while it may still be spring in many places around the country, summer has started in Florida and so have the storms. 

It hit me this evening as I was watching the sky clear and the sun begin to shine through the clouds how much summer and summer storms bring me  back to last summer. They bring me back to Avery. 

It stormed every evening while we were in the hospital and every evening she lived. And now that it's back to the normal summer weather, I can no longer avoid how quickly June is coming.


Her month. 

The best and worst days of my life. 

June will be here in less than a week. 

I've been trying really hard to focus my energy on projects I'm working on and they've been doing a pretty great job distracting me. But now that the storms are back, no matter how much I do to distract myself, I'm reminded of the impending roller coaster of emotions that is sneaking up on me. And I'm reminded of what is missing. 

Her birthday is 2 weeks from today. 2 weeks. This time last year I was eating spicy food and tons of pineapple trying to help labor get kick started. I was nesting and anxiously waiting Avery's arrival. 

I'm not sure what the anniversary of her 6 days will bring. I just can't believe it's been almost a year. I still can't believe she is gone. 

Summer will always be her time and the rain will always remind me of her. 


  1. I am so sorry she is not here to celebrate her birthday. I will be praying for you and sending you strength this month.

  2. I always find the build up to these days are so much worse... the days themselves (birthdays/anniversaries) pass peacefully as we have a focus on the day and we are doing positive things to remember our girls. I hope it is the same for you and Avery's birthday and anniversary pass peacefully for you xx

    1. I agree, the days leading up to and then immediately after big dates or events always seem worse. I'm hoping her birthday is just full if love celebrating her. I may try to get friends and family to do some sort of pay it forward or random act of kindness during her six days.

  3. I wish I was going to be in town during your tough week. We could hang out and get your mind off your sorrow. Text me if you need anything.

  4. Thanks Rebecca! I hope you have a blast on your double trips. We will catch up when you get back!

  5. I'm with Clara--I feel that most of the time, the buildup to these days is much worse for me than the actual day.

    I'm wishing you peace and Avery's presence to be sent to you in these next few weeks, Crystal. You're an amazing Mom, and Avery knows that, from wherever she is. ::HUGS::

  6. I am thinking of you as you approach these big dates, wishing things were different for you.