Thursday, January 17, 2013

Another milestone

Tomorrow I turn 28, yay (since you can't hear my thoughts, I find it appropriate to tell you the 'yay' is extreme sarcasm, and includes an intense eye roll).

I've never been a big celebrator of my birthday. To me, it's just another day. Well, last year I was 19 weeks pregnant this week and I decided to have my big anatomy ultrasound on my birthday. I thought it would be such an awesome birthday present to find out what we were having and it definitely was. I prayed for a girl and when we found out it was indeed Avery growing inside of me I was over the moon. I envisioned her and I taking about that day for many years to come. Another special bond her and I would share.

Fast forward to present. Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't get to tell my little girl the story of how we found out what she was. I don't get to celebrate my birthday with her this year or any other year. Another dagger to the heart.

Tomorrow will be a very bittersweet day. I am going to try and stay positive and remember the excitement I felt a year ago. It's also going to be a very hard day. Another day I had made up so grand in my head that will now be completely different. My anxiety over this day has come in waves over the last week and I'm praying that I can find peace as tomorrow draws closer.

To honor Avery on this special week, I am thinking of finally getting a tattoo to remember her. It may not happen tomorrow but will hopefully happen over the weekend. I am so indecisive and I want it to be perfect. I have many ideas but I cannot decide. I'll keep you posted if I finally do it.

I know this post is another ramble. That's what happens when I just start typing (especially when I'm at work). Thank you for letting me share my thoughts. I feel a bit of relief now. Maybe I can finally get some work accomplished!

Here are some of my tattoo ideas. I'm planning on getting it on my left rib cage under my heart. I want to incorporate her name like my husband has and an infinity symbol. The first is my husbands tattoo. The second is a pretty, girly infinity symbol that I would incorporate her name in. Next is an idea a friend drew for me and last is completely different with a heart with words (it would say her name). I'd love opinions!


  1. I am in absolute LOVE of the Infinity sign with Avery's name and the heart. It's absolutely gorgeous.

    In an odd coincidence, I have an appointment on Saturday with a guy at a tattoo place to have something done for Luke. I'm terrified and excited and can't believe I'm actually going to do it, but it just feels right.

    Be nice to yourself tomorrow and know that Avery is with you as much as she can be ♥

  2. Thanks Jen! I decided while I was thinking about it I would just go and do it! I'll post a picture soon.

    It feels amazing to have this in her memory. Good luck when you go this weekend.