Sunday, November 4, 2012


I’ve been having a pretty rough week.  Even when trying to escape the pain, the overwhelming reality of this huge whole in my heart still finds its way in.  I’ve put on my fake face and made it through the last few days.  And I’ve had good moments in the midst of my pain.  Today, we volunteered to help some good friends move.  Not that I love manual labor but they have been great to us and getting out of the house sounded like a great idea.  And it really was.  During the few hours we were helping them I was surrounded by beauty and a positive reminder.
On the way to their house, I grabbed a healthy breakfast (McDonald’s) and while in the drive thru, there was a huge butterfly that followed us through.  Then when we got to their apartment I saw at least 3 different butterflies.  On the way to their new house, I saw so many more along the road.  It seemed like I saw more butterflies in the 4 hours we were out this morning than I have in one day. 

Since losing Avery, I’ve noticed butterflies and dragonflies more than ever.  Normally they are dancing around when I am visiting the cemetery or floating through my backyard while I am outside with the dog.  I’ve always associated them with her.  Not that I think she is a butterfly, but I sometimes think they are sent my way just as a way to make me smile and bring peace.  After having such a rough week and seeing so many today, I decided to see what symbolic meaning butterflies have in different cultures.

What I came to discover is that many cultures find butterflies are symbolic of the soul.   In essence, many feel the butterfly is symbolic of the soul and the change the body goes through from birth to death. Like caterpillars, our humanly bodies house something more beautiful, our souls.  When we reach our time, we leave our humanly bodies and we receive a more beautiful Heavenly body.  We, in essence, leave our caterpillar form and our cocoon and become beautiful butterflies. 

Again, I don’t think Avery is a butterfly but I find beauty and peace in the symbolism behind the life cycle of a butterfly and the changes they undergo.  In hard times, I need to remember that we are just passing through this world on our way to something much more beautiful.  And while I don’t know how long it will be until I am able to spread my wings like the butterfly, I am thankful for the reminder that there will eventually be a happy ending.  Not only will I reach Heaven but my beautiful daughter will be there to welcome me to the place where I belong. 


  1. <3 <3 I too notice butterflies and dragonflies more often since Calypso went back to God

  2. I agree with what you say about butterflies xxx embrace them, embrace the gift of seeing them and knowing that some day you will also spread your wings and fly with your beautiful girl xxxxx