Today was an especially hard day. I’m struggling with the fact that this is my
life now. I have to go through everyday
facing the reality that my daughter is not here and she will not be coming back
to me. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to
accept this. I HATE this. And some days it just hits me like a ton of
bricks. Since today was one of those
days, I went by myself to the cemetery just to “be” for a little while. I needed to cry, I needed to talk to Avery
and God, and I just wanted to be close to her place. While sitting there in the cold grass, I
noticed that there is more greenery growing in over her place. The dirt and sandy are almost covered; another
sign marking how long we’ve been without her.
As I looked, I noticed lots of three leaf clovers covering her
place. As I sat one clover in particular
caught my eye. It was close to her stone
and it only had 2 leaves that resembled a butterfly.
This little clover shaped like a butterfly made me smile in
the midst of my overwhelming emotions.
It was like Avery was there, saying “Mommy I’m OK, I love you.” I thought about leaving the clover but decided
I wanted to keep it safe. So I took it
home with me and pressed it to keep. On
days like today, the smallest things can bring a little light into my
heart.
Here is a picture of the clover Avery left for me.
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