Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Running away

We are leaving today to escape for Thanksgiving. We didn't want to do any of our previously "normal" holiday traditions. We don't even know what normal is for us anymore. So to avoid the torture of sitting through Thanksgiving around everyone else who still has a normal, we are going to Vegas-almost as far away from anyone's normal as possible.

I've heard from some that running away may not be the best, and that may be true, but I really feel like it will be best for us this year. We usually spend Thanksgiving with my mom and sister. This year I was looking forward to taking Avery to my moms house. This would have been her first big trip away from home. She would have met her cousins and spent time with her grandmother. It would have been nice.

If we would have kept those plans this year, I would have been slapped in the face with my sisters 2 beautiful children, one who is only 5 weeks older than Avery. Undoubtedly, she would pawn them off on my mom so she could go out with her friends. (She's a very young mother who goes out more than I think necessary sometimes). I also probably would be forced to have dinner with my moms friend's 2 week old little girl. Please don't take this the wrong way, but that would have been hell for me. Not because I don't love these people, I do. But it would have been just torturous watching everyone else have what we want and seeing how much they take it for granted. For my sanity and the keeping of relationships, it's best I don't go this year. I cannot be held accountable for my actions right now, I have no control over what cones out if my mouth sometimes. My mom and sister probably will never understand but that's ok. I only have the emotional/mental capacity to worry about me (and my husband) right now.

So, off to Vegas we go. I've always wanted to go but never had the chance. And while I am excited, it's not the same excitement I would have once shared because I know I shouldn't be going. I know this is an escape trip and the place I really wish I could be is with Avery and my family. I would give anything to give up any vacation or trip to have her back and spend the holidays with family-dysfunction and all.

I'm not sure how this weekend will go but I do know that Avery will be with us, she always is.

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