Day 29: Songs

Today’s challenge was to post song’s that remind you of your child or have been a part of your journey.  There have been many amazing songs through this journey that I couldn’t pick just one. 

Selah’s “I will carry you” bring me to tears.  The song written as a song for the lead singer’s daughter who was diagnosed with conditions she would not be able to survive.  Her parents continued the pregnancy and were blessed with a beautiful daughter who passed away.  I recommend Angie’s blog.

I Will Carry You-Selah

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says…I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you

The next song is Building 429’s “Where I Belong.”  I’ve previously posted this song here.  It’s just a reminder that while I may live on this Earth, it’s not my home.  It reminds me that Avery is waiting for me, in our home where we will be together forever. 

Next, is Heather William’s “Hallelujah.”  Heather too is a baby loss momma.  She lost her son while a newborn.  I am not sure of her story but from what I have read, she wrote this song as she was broken from her loss.  We played this song at Avery’s funeral.  It seemed like after we first lost her, this song came on every time I was in the car.  At first, I couldn’t listen to it, now I can listen to the song but it still makes me crumble.  You can feel her hurt and brokenness in the lyrics.  One verse that resonates the most with me is towards the end, she sings, “On my knees here I fall, in spite of it all, Hallelujah! And though it seems hard, I’m still trusting you Lord…”  Her song encourages me to not turn away from God but to turn to him.

I also really like Pink’s “Beam Me Up.”  I would love for Avery to be able to beam me up to Heaven.  To see her one more time, to hold her, just to have one more minute.  I don’t hear this song often but when I do, it just makes me long for her. 

Another song we played at Avery’s funeral is one that I still cannot listen too.  It’s just too hard.  It’s “Heaven is the Face” by Steven Curtis Chapman, who lost his daughter in a tragic accident.  This song is too hard because it points out so many things that we will never get with Avery and is from a Daddy’s perspective.  What I would give to be able to watch my husband love on our daughter as she grows up.  While too hard to listen to, it does give hope in knowing that Heaven will be even sweeter because Avery will be waiting for us and we will get to do those things we never got to do here on earth.  I do love this song very much.  Here is the full song:

Heaven is the Face-Steven Curtis Chapman

Heaven is the face of a little girl
With dark brown eyes
That disappear when she smiles
Heaven is the place
Where she calls my name
Says, “daddy please come play with me for awhile”

God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more
But God, You know that this is what I’m aching for
God, You know I just can’t see beyond the door

So right now
Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep
Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms
Being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams

And God, I know it’s all of this and so much more
But God, You know that this is what I’m longing for
And God, You know I just can’t see beyond the door

But in my mind’s eye
I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space
All the cancer is gone
Every mouth is filled
And there’s no one left in the orphans’ bed
Every lonely heart finds the one true love
And there’s no more goodbye
And no more “not enough”
And there’s no more enemy (no more)

Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss
And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone
Heaven is the place where she takes my hand
And leads me to You
And we both run into Your arms

Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive
So God, You know I’ll trust in You until I see

Heaven in the face of my little girl

 Last but not least is Matt Redman’s “10,000 Reasons.”  This song too brings me back to remembering that through this sorrow we are going through, God is still the same.  I previously posted about this song here.