Friday, October 5, 2012

Day 6 & 7: What NOT to Say and What TO Say

Because I will be out of town this weekend, I am posting Days 6 & 7 together.  For Day 6, the challenge is to post what not to say. 
This is something a close friend said to me 2 days after I lost my daughter.  She literally said, “I’m glad it wasn’t you.”  I was still in shock over losing Avery that I didn’t even have time to process what was said until after Avery’s service when we were left alone.  I couldn’t believe these words would come out of anybody’s mouth.  I was and still am very hurt by this.  Any parent would rather it be them than their child they are burying.  I would have given my life in an instant so that my husband and daughter could build memories together.  Almost 4 months later, I am still hurt by this.  I am trying to figure out a way to move past this comment and restore our friendship but haven’t been able to find a way to do that yet.  Maybe over time, we will be able to rebuild what we once had. 
The background of this photo is of Cherry Blossom's in Washington, DC.  It means a lot to me for many reasons.  It was a trip I took with my girlfirends, something I hold special to me and something that breaks my heart as Avery won't get to take trips like these.  The Cherry Blossom also symbollizes many things in other cultures, the beauty of life, passion, love and strength.  All symbolizing my daughter and what she has done in my life.  I also love how it's two different branches-one pink and one white.  One fully bloomed and pink and the other still trying to blossom.  Sadly, this reminds me of my life and my daughter's fully intertwined. 
For Day 7, the challenge was to post what to say.  I have to say, no words can truly make losing a child any better.  What has helped me the most isn’t what people have said but their simple act of listening.  I am thankful for my many friends who let me talk about my daughter without making me feel guilty, who let me vent when I am having a tough time and let me cry when I need to.  These friends don’t try to make me feel better with their words, they simply let me talk and listen.  If you know anyone who has lost a child, my greatest advice is to listen.  This photo also from my trip to DC is just peaceful to me, much life the feeling I get after ebing able to talk with my friends who are just there to listen. 

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